DEPTH with Vienna Pharaon
My morning rituals before jumping out of bed first and foremost involve some serious stretching; After I’ll do a mindful body/mind/soul scan to start fresh and then... Some Instagram. This is the part where Vienna virtually shows up every morning and greets me with, either an air kiss or a tap in the head. I usually navigate through news, workout sessions, recipes, articles, some friend’s pics, but she always gets my full attention.
I found Vienna’s black and white IG feed a couple of years ago, and I’ve read through every word, for she KNOWS what’s up. A 35yr. old with an old soul. Her Instagram handle is @mindfulmft and rumor has it stands for Mindful Mother F*ckin’ Therapy.
She won’t go around the corners.
She won’t paint it pretty either.
She’ll instead move your insides and transform your superficial thoughts into deep moving emotions if you let her in.
If you decide to get curious...
DEPTH is for her like taking a walk in the park. To dig deep into your inner truth, your soul. This was my one word that captures her effect on my mental and emotional health.
Soooo silence your phones, shut the door and get cozy, because we’re about to be enlightened with her depth.
Viviana: Holaaa Vienna! I was so excited when you said YES! Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us, and personally I will say your posts have given me comfort, relief and hope during these COVID-times. How are you coping at the moment?
Vienna: Thank you so much for such a sweet intro. I have been coping pretty well but we are definitely in a major transition time as we move out of NYC for the time being and pack everything up into storage. There are so many moving pieces in our lives right now and I’m definitely feeling into the unknown of many things.
Viv: We need to know first, what does @mindfulmft stand for?
Vienna: Ha! You were close. MFT stands for Marriage and Family Therapy which is what my training is in. My practice name is Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy but the word on the street version cracks me up every time and I’m down for it.
Viv: What led you to become a Marriage and Family Therapist?
Vienna: My parents separated when I was in first grade and went through a 9 year divorce process. It was the longest in the history of New Jersey at the time. I am an only child and so I was very much witness to their dynamic and all of the things that presented throughout the divorce. I became an observer and because I didn’t have siblings or other family members around to validate or check what was happening, I began to go inwards with my processing. I’ve always found relationship dynamics interesting and from that experience I think I initially wanted to safeguard myself from ever going through something like that in my adult life. My drive for my work has changed from a fear based place to a desire to explore with individuals and couples on how they can create and maintain healthy, integrated, loving relationships.
Viv: I’ve had the sensation of someone pulling the rug from underneath before, but this time around I can pretty much affirm it was a collective motion. What is control? And why do we fall for the illusion?
Vienna: Yes, I think almost everyone felt the rug being pulled. Things happened quickly and it moved us collectively into a space of uncertainty, unknown, and fear. When the pandemic began to unfold for us here, I remember reading something about how a veil was being lifted on the idea of control. That it’s just a perception that we have because we live in a system where we think we can predict certain things.
I think most of us want to believe we have control over external things because it offers us a narrative of peace and ease, but what I have found is that anything external to us is not within our control. Only that which resides within us can be.
Vienna: Probably the same thing I would say at any time: Keep tuning in. Keep listening to the parts of yourself that are showing up and asking for attention. Pay attention to what’s happening within you and begin to get intimate with it. When we are transitioning and transforming there is a lot of activation that can be happening internally. Many of us like to run away from it, distract from it, and ignore it, when our work is to tune into it and get intimate with it. It leads us if we let it.
Viv: So many of us are dealing with feelings of loss, heartbreak, grief, anger, fear... Some are related to COVID-19, some aren’t. I myself use movement and meditation among other things, to let my body deal with such complex emotions, and it gets easier from there... But if there were to be an “Emotional first-aid kit” to deal with these, What would yours include?
Vienna: Mine are movement, silence, music, spending deliberate time with myself tuning into my body and what I’m feeling. Someone once told me that the amount of time you give to others daily (think of how long meetings are on a calendar for example) is the amount of time you ought to give to yourself daily. So, I give no less than 45 minutes to myself each day.
Viv: Do you think choosing therapy includes an “Until death do us part” agreement? Or is there a happy ending?
Vienna: No, absolutely not. There are no outcome agreements or expectations when an individual, couple, or family comes into therapy. There are many times when it is truly in the best interest of the system for there to be an ending. No therapist will decide that for you, that answer is for the client to come to on their own during the process.
Of course as a therapist we expect you to show up, to challenge yourself, to listen, to explore, and beyond, but there is no “till death do you part” expectation when working with a couple. No therapist is meant to choose for you or push their own agenda.
Viv: I’ve heard friends talk about their personal process, and how it all goes back to your inner child wounds; And some others refer to “shadow work” as their AHA! moment. What are your thoughts on these two?
Vienna: Oh gosh, well you’re talking to the origin story/family system lady, so you know I believe this. My work is all around understanding the systems in which we grew up. I find that work necessary. What we saw, what we experienced, what was expected of us all matters A LOT. What happens in our past comes with us and it’s important for us to explore that.
I also adore shadow work. This is Jung’s term, and I believe that once we begin to access and work with our shadows we can start to create some pretty incredible change. My husband, Connor over at @mantalks does a lot of shadow work and has many groups for men specifically for this.
(Hmmm we also need to cover men, don't we? Future interview ahead...)
Viv: Do you think selflove is the mother of all types of love? Or which would you say is our “core seed” to sow?
Vienna: I believe that self love is the balancing of compassion for self and accountability with self. Too many people bypass what self love truly means. It’s a word that gets tossed around quite a bit without it being fully understood and integrated. Self love is not just bubble baths and massages. There must be so much intention behind.
Viv: The one million question (drum rolls): Do you believe in soulmates?
Vienna: Ha! I guess it depends on how you define it. I don’t think there is only one human on this planet for each of us. I believe there are plenty of soul helpers; People who come into our lives, who teach us to meet parts of ourselves, parts of our soul. Some stay for a few hours, and others might stay for a lifetime.
Viv: One of my favorite poems, as I read is one of yours too, is “The Invitation” by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, what would be your personal invitation?
Vienna: Oh it absolutely is. Hmm, great question. If I could make my invitation succinct, I think it would say: “I invite you to be gentle and accountable with yourself, to look at the parts of yourself you don’t want to, and to remind yourself daily that your work is to uncover that which was given to you and is not yours. Find your self and then live your self.
Viviana: Well... I could go on and on non-stop, but all good things must come to an end. It has been my pleasure to do this interview with you, and I wish you the best on your new horizon ahead.
Vienna: Such a pleasure! Thank you.
Comments
Post a Comment